My bilingual journey is officially over! Both of my kids are now in college and I wanted to conclude this journey by interviewing them, in depth, about their experience. These are written interviews, with many of the questions coming from readers of this blog. (Thank you!)
For context, my son is now 18 and a freshman in an English-taught program at a university in Japan. He attended only Japanese public schools growing up. At my blog, and in my books, he’s known as “Roy.” I never used my children’s real names in order to preserve their privacy, at least to the extent I could as I openly shared their bilingual upbringing over the years in the hope that this could be helpful to other families.
My daughter’s interview is here. She’s now 21 and a sophomore. (Because she took a gap year after high school.) She’s in an English-taught program at a different university, but she’s in the same city as my son. (In fact, they live just 10 minutes from each other on foot!) Next year she’ll study abroad in New Zealand, her first time living in an English-speaking country.
I hope you find these interviews interesting and encouraging, particularly in terms of the longer, broader perspective on raising bilingual kids. When you’re in the thick of this experience, sometimes it feels like it will never end! But it does—and it will for you, too—probably much more quickly than you can imagine at the moment. 
Early Childhood
1. What’s your earliest memory of speaking English? Your earliest memory of speaking Japanese?
I can’t really say what my earliest memory of speaking English was, but I do remember speaking in English with my sister and my dad at home when I was very little. I also have memories of playing in our “Play Room” with my sister, talking mostly in English, and some in Japanese. However, at my Japanese preschool, I only spoke Japanese with my little friends there.
2. Was there a moment when you first realized that you were bilingual?
There wasn’t really a moment where something “clicked” about being bilingual. I always just felt that I was just a kid who could speak Japanese and English, and I didn’t think much about it.
3. Did you ever mix the two languages when you were little? Do you remember any funny examples?
Do you know “Japanglish”? I remember speaking this sort of jumbled, mixed language with my sister when we were small. (I still do sometimes!) For example, the sentence itself would be in Japanese but the nouns would sometimes be in English. I think that during the conversation, when the right word in Japanese didn’t come to mind, we would simply substitute that word in English.
4. What kinds of English books, TV shows, or music did you especially enjoy as a child?
I always enjoyed reading books, watching TV shows, and listening to music, regardless of the language. Some specific things I remember watching were Teletubbies and shows on Disney Channel. I have great memories watching these shows and sitcoms from my childhood.
One interesting thing is that, despite living in Japan, I consumed more content in English than in Japanese. So it was difficult sometimes when I was chatting with my Japanese friends because I didn’t understand the things they were talking about. These days I consume Japanese content, too, even though I prefer English content.
5. How did you feel speaking English with your father while you were speaking Japanese with your mother and almost everyone else around you? Did those feelings somehow evolve as you were growing up?
It was sometimes kind of hard for me to switch languages, especially after school when I was really tired and grumpy, haha. My whole day would be entirely in Japanese, so coming home and switching to English felt tiring. Looking back, though, it wasn’t such a big deal, and now it doesn’t bother me when I have to switch between the two languages.
School Years
6. How was your English ability a positive thing in school? Was it ever a negative thing for you?
I’d say that being able to speak English fluently was a plus 99% of the time, especially in a country like Japan where not many people can speak English very well. One negative thing about this, though, was that because my English ability was more advanced, the English classes at school were really easy for me, and frankly, really boring. But overall, my English ability was a blessing as this helped me in my application for high school and for making connections with others.
7. How did your teachers and classmates react when they heard you speaking English?
Because of my surname, they all knew I was half American, but every time I would say something in English in front of the class, the oohs and aahs would ripple throughout the room. It was a positive experience until some kids tried to make me speak more English, to the point that this became annoying.
8. What were the low-level English classes in school like for you? Did those classes still benefit you in some way?
I already mentioned that these classes were easy and boring for me. But some teachers were understanding, and they provided me with different homework, which I found very thoughtful. I really appreciated that. Also, the teachers would sometimes ask me questions about the classwork and I would help them, which was an engaging experience for me. All in all, I wouldn’t say that these classes benefited me very much, but maybe they made me a more patient person?
9. What was it like having both Japanese homework from school and English homework from your father?
When I was younger, I didn’t really like the English homework that my dad gave me because I also had Japanese homework from school and other things to do. The English homework wasn’t too hard, but it took some time to complete each day. The rule was, I had to finish all my homework before I could play video games or use the iPad. But sometimes I would skip doing my homework to play video games behind my dad’s back!
Even today, I sometimes procrastinate and let my assignments sit for a while. But don’t worry, I finish them in time!
10. Describe your English homework. What kinds of tasks or resources do you remember most?
When I was small, I remember having workbooks, and I had to complete a few tasks in them each day. On top of that, I had to read some pages from a book. I used to get a prize after I finished reading those books, like a little Pokemon toy. I figured out that I could cheat the system, though, by telling my dad that I was reading the book, when I really wasn’t. But I think he caught on because he started asking me details about what I read. I only cheated a little, though! I did read most of those books!
My favorite type of homework (if I had to choose!) was a journal for writing practice. I do like to write, and this journal had a lot of interesting writing prompts for things to write about.
Language and Identity
11. Compare your experience learning both English and Japanese. What are the most challenging things about English? The most challenging things about Japanese?
I learned Japanese through the Japanese school system, and it was pretty tough, learning all the kanji characters and the difficult grammar. But thanks to the grueling school system, I’m now fluent in Japanese, and if I had grown up in the US, I probably wouldn’t have such a good level of Japanese.
I learned English at home with my dad and sister in a much more flexible and enthusiastic environment. Sure, I did have homework that my dad made me do every day, but compared to the school system, it was minimal.
For me, the most challenging thing about Japanese was the kanji and reading. Because I always liked English content more, whether it was TV shows, books, or music, I was a bit weak in reading and writing in Japanese when I was younger. Thankfully, I don’t have any problems now. And for English, I think speaking was sometimes a challenge because I mainly had only my dad and my sister to talk to. I didn’t have much opportunity to chat with people in English because my life was in Japan, and it was mostly in Japanese.
12. Do you feel more comfortable in one language than the other? Has that changed over time?
This is an interesting question. I would say that when I was very young, I spent a lot of my time playing in English, and so I was probably thinking more in English then. But when I went through elementary school, junior high, and high school in Japanese schools, my Japanese got much stronger, and even pushed aside my English ability. I was still reading and writing in English, but I was so immersed in school life that it felt like my English ability was fading. I really noticed this when I was speaking English. I had trouble forming a coherent sentence without first thinking of the equivalent in Japanese. I would stutter and not know what to say next. This was really surprising, even shocking. But toward the end of my high school years, and now in college, my English has gotten stronger again and I can speak it without any problems. I’d even say that my English is becoming more dominant and I’m now getting worried about my Japanese!
13. Do you feel like a different version of yourself when you speak English versus when you speak Japanese? How?
Not really, no, but maybe there’s a slight difference in my personality. When I’m speaking in English, I can be a bit more outgoing, while in Japanese, I might be a little more quiet and shy. I think this is because, when I’m speaking in English in Japan, most people can’t understand so I don’t have to worry what they think.
14. How do you describe your identity when people ask about your background?
I usually say that I’m half Japanese and half American. It’s interesting to see their reaction because I look more Japanese than I do American. Before, I used to care more about how I look, compared to my language ability and my background, but now I don’t care at all as I’ve grown out of it.
15. Do you think in both languages, too? When do you think in English and when do you think in Japanese?
When I’m with English speakers, I think in English, and with Japanese speakers, I think in Japanese. The interesting thing is that I don’t do this intentionally. I sometimes find myself thinking in one language, and I’m like, “Woah, why are you thinking in this language today?” When it comes to personal thoughts or when I talk to myself, right now I think in English 80% of the time. I don’t know why, but it’s just more comfortable.
Family Dynamics
16. What do you think your father did well to help you learn English?
I think the constant relentlessness that my dad had was the secret to success, haha. While growing up, this could feel annoying and tiresome sometimes, but looking back, I think it’s because of this effort that I was able to achieve the English ability I have now.
17. Is there anything you wish your father had done differently?
Not really. I think my English is very good right now, and I’m very content with my ability. I think my dad (and my mom) did a great job in enabling me to learn English.
I wish, though, that my dad had spoken to us more in Japanese. Sometimes we would try to get him to speak Japanese and he would speak it with a terrible American accent, on purpose.
18. What are your strongest memories of English-related activities or projects with your father?
I remember playing card games, board games, or any type of “game” with my dad. It wasn’t necessarily a word game, because I always preferred other games, like a card game called “Gubs.” I remember playing these games a lot with my dad.
Social Life and Community
19. Growing up, did you have any opportunities to speak English with other children?
Not as much as I wanted. I would speak English with my sister from time to time, but I didn’t really have any friends who could speak English. Well, in elementary school I did have a friend who was half American and half British, and we spoke together in English and in Japanese. I often went to her house, which was near mine, to play video games and hang out. But when I entered junior high, there wasn’t anyone to talk to in English because my friend from elementary school went to a different junior high. In high school, there was a German exchange student who could speak English, and not much Japanese, so I spoke with him in English. We still chat online today!
20. Did you use English at any activities or events out in the community?
When I was younger, I went to some events with my dad and my sister—things like parties, festivals, and other interesting activities—where I could speak English with the people there. In high school, I was a volunteer guide for international visitors at Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima. I would read from a script, but I was also able to chat with them about their countries and other topics. This was a really good experience for me and I enjoyed it a lot.
21. Did you ever feel embarrassed or proud about speaking English in public?
Through most of my childhood, speaking English in front of my Japanese friends was very uncomfortable and I tried not to speak English most of the time because I didn’t like the attention I would get. I gradually got used to speaking English in front of others, but when I finally entered college, that’s when I became completely fine with speaking English openly. It was a weird process, but now I feel proud that I have this awesome ability, so I’m not embarrassed anymore.
Transition to University
22. What is your university major and what kinds of courses do you have?
I’m in a Liberal Arts program, which means I can study a variety of things like Economics, History, Cultural Studies, Politics, and more. In Japan, you’re required to choose a major from the first year of college. I felt that a Liberal Arts program would let me explore a lot of different interests. (Even though I have a lot of assignments!)
23. What was it like to start studying in an English-taught program in college, especially after attending only Japanese schools throughout childhood?
For me, the transition wasn’t so hard because I already knew a lot about foreign cultures and traits. One thing, though, was the difference in the “style” of the classes. I think my sister also felt some difficulty getting used to this. In Japanese schools, classes tend to be very quiet, and students refrain from speaking up. But my college classes are very lively and people are encouraged to speak up. I went through the Japanese system my whole life, so it’s now my goal to overcome this!
24. Did you feel prepared for using English at a high academic level?
Before entering university, I was anxious about the academic work because I thought I might fall behind. But I’m doing well now, and I feel like the English level isn’t as high as I was expecting.
Looking Back and Ahead
25. What was the hardest thing about growing up bilingual? What was the best thing?
The hardest thing about growing up bilingual (or of mixed races) might be that you’re confused about “what you are” while you’re growing up. I felt this throughout my childhood, and it was hard to wrap my head around this fact. Now, though, I feel comfortable with who I am and with my language abilities.
The best thing about being bilingual is the chance to connect with many more people, bringing more friends and other people into your life. I think this is a great advantage and I hope to meet more people in the future through my language abilities.
26. If you could give some advice to younger kids growing up with more than one language, what would you tell them?
Hold onto both languages, don’t let one or the other go. Having two (or more) languages is a wonderful thing, and especially when you’re older, you’ll appreciate all the efforts you made when you were younger to improve your language ability.
27. If you could give some advice to parents raising bilingual children, what would you tell them?
Be relentless like my dad, haha! But honestly, this will benefit the child’s life so much more than you can imagine, so I would say to go all-in on trying to improve your child’s language abilities. Your kid might not like it at the time, but when they look back, they’ll be glad that they went through it.
28. If you have children someday, do you intend to raise them bilingually? Would you do this in ways that are similar to how your father raised you? What would you do differently?
I would definitely raise my children to be bilingual, or even multilingual. I love learning languages, and I’m now learning French and Spanish on top of my two core languages, English and Japanese. I’d like to make language learning really fun, and I want to find my own methods for learning and teaching a language.
29. Looking back, how do you now feel about your bilingual upbringing?
I’m really grateful for all the things my dad did for me, and for all of my own efforts to reach the level of language ability I have today. I feel very lucky to have had this kind of upbringing, and I encourage all parents, even if they know only one language, to pursue the path of helping their children make a bilingual or even multilingual journey.
30. Looking ahead, how do you feel about your bilingual future?
I love learning languages, and as I mentioned, I’m trying to learn more! My goal is that, by the end of my college years, I can proudly say that I’m able to speak 5 languages (English, Japanese, French, Spanish, and Portuguese). I’m very passionate about languages and cultures, and I want to feel and experience the world at a “ground level,” like a native speaker.
Now read the interview with my daughter here.
Or continue reading about my son’s bilingual upbringing with these popular posts I made about him over the years of his childhood.
“It’s a Little Bit Funky”: I Interview My Son on Being Bilingual (age 6.0)
How I Get My Bilingual Son to Talk His Head Off in the Minority Language (age 6.7)
My Son Disappears, I Lose My Mind, and the World is Beautiful (age 6.8)
Why I’m Happy My 8-Year-Old Son Called Me a Butthead (age 8.5)
“A Little Monkey Business”: Another Fun, Productive Project for Language Exposure (age 10.6)
My Kids Scream at Me Not to Lick Poisonous Mushrooms (age 10.10)
Update on My Son’s Bilingual Life at 11.9 Years Old: Funny Photos, Art Awards, and Junior High (age 11.9)
6 Responses
Hey, Adam! I loved reading this from your son’s perspective. Noah is in higher education now, too, in an English-only aviation program here in France. He’s starting to realize the advantage speaking English gives him now. And Benjamin is studying in the US, so of course he uses his English constantly now as well.
Alisa, hi! Thank you for stopping by! We met in the middle of the journey, and here we are, “suddenly” at the end. Congratulations on all the rewarding success you’ve experienced with your boys. You and your husband have done a wonderful job with them, and I was privileged to see that firsthand. Tell everyone I say hello from Japan!
Roy is so right – imagine how difficult it would have been to learn Japanese (including reading and writing) at the same level if your family lived in the US! That would be require genuine elbow grease! Although I imagine you would have done more of a ML@H approach, since it would have been too much to ask of your wife alone.
Yes, if we had lived in the US, it would have been a very different challenge! In fact, not only would it have been much, much harder to foster their ability in Japanese (especially their proficiency in reading and writing), I likely wouldn’t have felt the same need to spend as much time with them to nurture their English side so intentionally. As I often stress, I think that’s actually the best thing about raising a bilingual child: you end up spending more quality time with your kids, growing up, than you otherwise would have if you didn’t have to work as hard to support their minority language development.
I love the picture Roy’s words bring to mind, “Hold onto both languages, don’t let one or the other go.” He inherently knows what he has is precious and won’t let go. I love that he’s learning additional languages too (including Portuguese)!
Yes, he’s turned out to be a tenacious young adult when it comes to language learning. Right now he’s studying hard for a French proficiency test because he wants to study abroad in France next year! (Portuguese could well become a bigger part of his future, too!)